Yes, No, Not Yet

I've been told that God has 3 answers to all requests,  "Yes, no and not yet". If you prayed and were blessed with a child,  then it's safe to say that your answer was the first one. But if you are reading this, then you most likely haven't and then His answer is one of the other two. "Not yet" is not so bad, it just requires lots of patience and lots of faith. But "no" is the one we don't ever want to hear. No one wants to ask for something, especially a child, and hear "no" for an answer.  However, I have good news. Even if His answer is "no", God's plan for you is better  than anything you can come up with for yourself. So His answer is not "no", its really "no, because I have something better". Have faith that whichever answer you get it is the best plan He has for you. Jesus said "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: (Matthew 7:7 KJVA)". Boy have I asked! I've been asking everyday for the past 2 years. Recently, I began to wonder if this daily request would increase my chances of getting pregnant. Would I be able to persuade God's decision if I prayed and asked daily? Is it really necessary to ask everyday? Or is God up there thinking "Alright already...you sound like a broken record!" So, I decided I was no longer going to pray for a baby, I was instead going to pray for other things and other people. I'm ashamed to say that I got tired of praying and had temporarily lost my faith. Two days later after Sunday mass, we said hi to the priest and he asked my husband about our children. My husband quickly corrected him, like we do anytime anyone asks if we have kids, and told him that we have been trying. Having said that, the priest said a prayer for us to conceive. I was surprised by this because we haven't really had any other interaction with him and he doesn't know how long we had been trying for or even that it's a concern for us. So why would he immediately assume we needed a prayer? Well, I quickly realized that this was God's way of telling me to not stop praying, and that if I do, He will get other people to do it for me. So needless to say, I went back to asking Him for a baby daily. Before this happened, I wasn't confident that my prayers were being effective or heard, but He clearly showed me that they are.  I don't know why He needs us to keep asking but He showed me that He does. So continue to ask daily and do not doubt that you are being heard. 

Do you think God is listening to your prayers? Please share in the comments below, I would love to know that there are people trying to conceive reading my blog.

God bless!

Is It Spiritual?

       

    Any time we have a struggle we always wonder, why us? The natural answer that everyone always gives is "that's life". Looking back to before we started to conceive, actually before we even considered having children, all problems and struggles back then seem simpler and nothing compares to what we are going through now. Never once did the thought of not being able to have children ever cross my mind. In fact, I thought the complete opposite. I'm 1 of 4 and my mother actually told me that she had a hard time avoiding getting pregnant. I think I have 15 first cousins, I lost count. Needless to say, I never met anyone having a hard time getting pregnant growing up. Yet somehow I am the blessed one. Blessed one? You must be thinking I lost my mind, infertility is not a blessing! Well, I beg to differ. You see, thanks to my "blessing" my life has completely changed. I am truly a happier person and have grown immensely spiritually. I see life with whole new perspective and I would not change it for the world. So back to my original thought...why me? Why you? Everyone around us is having babies left and right. Some of them are even getting pregnant on the first try...what's that about? Well I'm here to tell you today that it may be spiritual. After all, only God can create life. So could it be that he needs you to grow spiritually? In mass today, my priest said that God will put us through trials and tribulations to get us to listen. Is He trying to tell you something and are you listening? Before trying to start a family, I was lost in terms of religion and faith. I grew up Catholic but could not tell you the last time I had gone to mass. I had drifted so far from my faith that I believed everything that happened in my life was by luck, chance, karma or by my own doing. In other words I was lost. If it wasn't for the struggle that I have endured for the past 2 years, I would have never found faith. I now have an amazing opportunity to get to know God better, to be a better person, to have more compassion for others, to raise my children in His image and to know that no matter what life has in store for me, I will always have Him by my side helping me along the way. Why would He be so cruel as to use infertility? I know, I asked the same question, but perhaps it's because he knows this is the only way he will get your attention. I know I didn't think to look for Him with my other struggles in life. He knows that not getting pregnant was going to be my lowest point. I know you feel beaten, shattered and bruised, but God has enough power to turn your situation around if you will trust in Him. "Sometimes God lets your hit rock bottom so that your will discover that He is the rock at the bottom" (Dr. Tony Evans). Know that through all the clutter and noise of your circumstances, God is talking and He wants you to listen. He is not using this trial to punish you, he is just trying to shift you to the daily experience of His kingdom. Don't look at your infertility as a curse, see it as a blessing. God does not waste your pain. Embrace the fact that God has chosen you and is taking the time to mold you into something better. He is stripping away all the ugly in your heart and making room for Him. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). So take my word for it. Put Him first, make Him your priority and get ready to receive His blessing. "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20). You will not regret it.

Please share with anyone who is going through a struggle. I hope it can help brighten their day.
God Bless!

In His hands

 I have a controlling personality. I'm not afraid to admit it. So naturally when I didn't get pregnant as quickly as I wanted,I knew I had to take control of my situation. So I researched, read books, made doctors appointments, had labs done and learned everything I could about my body. I was very proactive! But all in all, I learned a whole lot of useless information. It didn't matter how much I knew, I still did not have control of the situation or the outcomes. Countless tries all turned out in the same result...negative pregnancy test. It felt like it was bad news piled on top of more bad news. With each doctor's visit, it felt like I was being pushed deeper into a hole that I could not get out of. As you can imagine, the level of frustration and anxiety of not knowing what will happen or even how to help it. My doctors couldn't even figure it out...so why would I? But then something wonderful happened, someone told me to pray for peace! What a concept? This is something I had never thought of  doing before. I knew how to pray for a baby and had done that on a daily basis, but it never occurred to me to pray for peace. As I sat in mass one Sunday morning I listened to the passage of John 14:27 where Jesus says to his disciples "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". I thought, well if it worked for them it might work for me. So I did. That day instead of praying for a positive pregnancy test, I prayed for peace. In a matter of days I went from a crazy obsessed worried bitter person, to being filled with complete bliss, confidence and peace. I realized that I was looking for the solution in the wrong places, I needed to let go and trust God. I was immediately lifted from the dark deep hole and felt light as air. I'm sure that this is what Prozac or any of those drugs must feel like, but better! I'm here to tell you today that no matter what you are going through, God can be the rope that pulls you out of your hole. Not only does He fill you with peace, He will also take care of the problem for you. You can rest assure that He has a solution and knows the way to your fertility. He knows it all and knows exactly when and how you will conceive. All you need to do is trust and all He wants you to do is trust. Here's another great passage "I am the way of life, he who comes to me will not hunger, and he who believes in me will never thirst" (John 6:35) What a wonderful relief, to know that I can leave it all in his hands. I no longer need to worry or obsess. He is the guide and the solution. As Dr. Tony Evans says "Peace doesn't mean you won't have problems, peace means your problems won't have you". So put it in His hands. Let Him deal with the situation and show you the solution. I pray that you too can be filled with his peace.

If you are finding comfort in my posts, please follow by email (top of page) so you can receive them in your inbox.

God Bless! 

Where's the Proof?

One of the hardest things that I had to deal with, when our problems conceiving began, was the thought that it may never happen for us. I guess this is probably the hardest for anyone. My closest friends would tell me "everything happens for a reason", "if it's meant to be, it will happen". But I was never satisfied with this. In fact, it did the opposite, it made me sad to think that it was not in God's will to make me a mother. What could possible be better than not having a child? So I desperately began searching for answers and proof that it can and will happen. Luckily at the time (or as planned by God all along) , my husband had been listening to Dr. Tony Evan's podcast, if you are not familiar with him, I highly recommend you listen to him. He is a Senior Pastor in Dallas Texas. You can listen to his podcasts by clicking here. It's a great podcast for spiritual growth and healing. He covers many topics, but oddly enough (or as planned by God all along, are you seeing the pattern?), the first podcast I listened to was "Sarah, the Doubter God used". If you are not familiar with Sarah, her story can be found in the Old Testament. She was married to Abraham and was barren. To make the  story short, the Lord told Abraham that he was going to be the father of a great nation. Now, they were both very old in age, and did not believe the Lord. Can you imagine hearing a message come directly from God and not believing it? I always wondered, what were they thinking? God does not lie, he's not confused...oh Sarah! you fool! But, I'm sure this has happened to you and I, we have received messages from God about conceiving, but we ignored them, or perhaps we are too wrapped up in our dilemma to hear it. If you are in this situation, pray for confirmation that your child is coming. God didn't just communicate with the people of the Old Testament, he communicates with you too. Be ready to hear his message, you will be astonished at the things he has to say. He can communicate through people, dreams, and thoughts. Open your heart and be ready to listen. So back to Sarah's story...because she didn't believe, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She sent Hagar, her servant, to sleep with her husband so they can have a child together. She thought, "God must be crazy, I can't have a baby. I'm too old, so I'm going to help him out". Well, things didn't turn out all that great as you can imagine. Sarah despised her servant for sleeping with her husband. Now, this is important, are you doing anything that is going against what God wants you to do? I know I did, I don't mean I sent my servant to have my baby, but I did try really expensive treatments that I could not afford, I tried using good luck charms, fertility statues, burning sage, drinking coffee, not drinking coffee, vitamins, creams, and everything but seeking God and believing His promise.  It wasn't until I prayed about it, that he guided me to the right path and I immediately knew when I was headed down the wrong direction. While we were in the middle of our fertility treatment, our reproductive endocrinologist left the practice. I was devastated, he had come highly recommended and was the one who gave us our diagnosis, but most importantly I truly believed he was going to get us pregnant. The same day that I heard this awful news, my acupuncturist also left his practice! We tried the fertility drug Clomid, at very high dosage, which results in the ovaries developing multiple eggs, and yet I grew none. Do you see that this is a clear message from above that this it not the path we needed to be taking? I don't have anything against fertility treatments, in fact many women have been blessed because of it, and I'm not trying to deter you from it. My point, is that this was not the right course for me. I'm not sure why, only God knows, but I can speculate that it's probably because like I said before, we were headed towards debt, or because deep down God knows that that's not how we want to conceive. But I truly believe it's because he wanted me to grow spiritually and closer to him "when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to look is up" So pray, pray, pray and when you are done praying, pray some more, so that he can guide you in the right path and place the right people in your way.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" Mark 11:24.  

Back to Sarah, when Abraham was 100 years old, God delivered on His promise and she conceived and gave birth to Isaac the ruler and the father of a great nation. Can you imagine giving birth at 100 years old and having to wait so long to do so? But don't miss the point God is trying to make. First, his timing is perfect! He needed Isaac to be born at that time so he can be the ruler of the great nation and second when God gives you his blessing, no matter how long you have waited, he is going to make sure you have plenty of time to enjoy it, and it's going to be better than anything you had planned. "Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me" Genesis 21:6.  God does not work in the realm of time like we do, he sees things that we can't, so we must walk by faith and not sight. "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but was is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:18.  

So, trust the Lord. He opens and closes all wombs "Shall, I who cause to bring forth, shut the womb? says the Lord" Isaiah 66:9. 

Take your focus off of what you can't do or are not getting and refocus it to the Lord "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalms 37:4, so "commit yourself to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalms 37:5. See yourself pregnant, browse through maternity and baby stores and tell God "thank you for this child, I believe and receive it".

I pray that you find comfort in this post and that you may be blessed with a child soon!

Please share any comments or questions below. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Why write about it?

So, why am I writing this blog? Well, it all began about 2 1/2 years ago. My husband and I were about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary, our beautiful companion, a Boxer named Roxy, had just passed away.  We were waiting on the drive thru line at Walgreen's to pick up my birth control refill. I remember the line was long and we had been waiting a while. Frustrated with the wait, as he always is, my husband said "let's not get the pills". Shocked, I asked him why, and he said "let's just have a baby." Part of me was concerned that he just wanted to have a baby because he didn't want to wait for pills, but I didn't care. This was the best thing he could of told me...because I was ready! I had been ready for a while, but life just gets in the way. We had been together 9 years the day we got married, we decided to go to school, buy a house, start a business and put starting a family on hold. But that day was the day that we decided we were ready. Fast forward to today, many negative pregnancy tests later, failed fertility treatments and countless tears, we were slapped hard with the reality that life doesn't always turn out as you plan. When you meet the man of your dreams people always want to know when you are getting married. I was ready to answer everyone back then, I had my arsenal of answers ready to fire..."I want to graduate school first", "weddings are expensive" and they seemed to satisfy those asking. But then when you are married people always want to know when are you starting a family, and this is when I struggle...do I bother explaining my situation and have to sit there and listen to one more old wives tale, or how they know someone who knew someone who got pregnant after they relaxed and stopped trying? I've also been told to just adopt, or my favorite "trust me, you don't want kids, they are a lot of work". I don't get upset anymore because they don't know what it's like to deal with infertility. So, to answer my question, why am I writing this? Well, I want to spread the word and the good news that no matter what you are going through, no matter what doctors may tell you, God has promised  me and YOU a child. It's in His words and in the scriptures. You may need to wait a few months, a few years or a decade, but it will happen. You cannot give up hope. So forget about PCOS, forget about that blocked fallopian tube, forget about the endometriosis, forget about your age and seek God and His promise. This isn't something I realized overnight, it has been about 2 years in the making and I plan to share how it has become to be so, and how He has guided me to make the decisions we have made. I want to tell you about all the wonderful people He has placed in our paths and how He obviously closed several doors for us. But the best advice I can give you for now is to pray for peace, pray for guidance so that you can make the right decisions in terms of your fertility and pray for confirmation of his promise. You may have been promised a biological child, or an adopted child, ask God to reveal to you what kind of mother he wants you to be.  Be prepared to accept the answer, because God's plan is better than any plan you may have for yourself. For now, there are many ways of being a Mom, including an aunt or Godmother. Have faith and believe and in the meantime, grow spiritually. A while back a good friend gave me the best advice I could have ever gotten and it was, "Bloom right where you are planted until the Lord moves you" (thanks Clary), and it's the best advice I can give you today.

More to come soon...