Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Why write about it?

So, why am I writing this blog? Well, it all began about 2 1/2 years ago. My husband and I were about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary, our beautiful companion, a Boxer named Roxy, had just passed away.  We were waiting on the drive thru line at Walgreen's to pick up my birth control refill. I remember the line was long and we had been waiting a while. Frustrated with the wait, as he always is, my husband said "let's not get the pills". Shocked, I asked him why, and he said "let's just have a baby." Part of me was concerned that he just wanted to have a baby because he didn't want to wait for pills, but I didn't care. This was the best thing he could of told me...because I was ready! I had been ready for a while, but life just gets in the way. We had been together 9 years the day we got married, we decided to go to school, buy a house, start a business and put starting a family on hold. But that day was the day that we decided we were ready. Fast forward to today, many negative pregnancy tests later, failed fertility treatments and countless tears, we were slapped hard with the reality that life doesn't always turn out as you plan. When you meet the man of your dreams people always want to know when you are getting married. I was ready to answer everyone back then, I had my arsenal of answers ready to fire..."I want to graduate school first", "weddings are expensive" and they seemed to satisfy those asking. But then when you are married people always want to know when are you starting a family, and this is when I struggle...do I bother explaining my situation and have to sit there and listen to one more old wives tale, or how they know someone who knew someone who got pregnant after they relaxed and stopped trying? I've also been told to just adopt, or my favorite "trust me, you don't want kids, they are a lot of work". I don't get upset anymore because they don't know what it's like to deal with infertility. So, to answer my question, why am I writing this? Well, I want to spread the word and the good news that no matter what you are going through, no matter what doctors may tell you, God has promised  me and YOU a child. It's in His words and in the scriptures. You may need to wait a few months, a few years or a decade, but it will happen. You cannot give up hope. So forget about PCOS, forget about that blocked fallopian tube, forget about the endometriosis, forget about your age and seek God and His promise. This isn't something I realized overnight, it has been about 2 years in the making and I plan to share how it has become to be so, and how He has guided me to make the decisions we have made. I want to tell you about all the wonderful people He has placed in our paths and how He obviously closed several doors for us. But the best advice I can give you for now is to pray for peace, pray for guidance so that you can make the right decisions in terms of your fertility and pray for confirmation of his promise. You may have been promised a biological child, or an adopted child, ask God to reveal to you what kind of mother he wants you to be.  Be prepared to accept the answer, because God's plan is better than any plan you may have for yourself. For now, there are many ways of being a Mom, including an aunt or Godmother. Have faith and believe and in the meantime, grow spiritually. A while back a good friend gave me the best advice I could have ever gotten and it was, "Bloom right where you are planted until the Lord moves you" (thanks Clary), and it's the best advice I can give you today.

More to come soon...