A blog about my struggles with faith and fertility.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Is It Spiritual?
Any time we have a struggle we always wonder, why us? The natural answer that everyone always gives is "that's life". Looking back to before we started to conceive, actually before we even considered having children, all problems and struggles back then seem simpler and nothing compares to what we are going through now. Never once did the thought of not being able to have children ever cross my mind. In fact, I thought the complete opposite. I'm 1 of 4 and my mother actually told me that she had a hard time avoiding getting pregnant. I think I have 15 first cousins, I lost count. Needless to say, I never met anyone having a hard time getting pregnant growing up. Yet somehow I am the blessed one. Blessed one? You must be thinking I lost my mind, infertility is not a blessing! Well, I beg to differ. You see, thanks to my "blessing" my life has completely changed. I am truly a happier person and have grown immensely spiritually. I see life with whole new perspective and I would not change it for the world. So back to my original thought...why me? Why you? Everyone around us is having babies left and right. Some of them are even getting pregnant on the first try...what's that about? Well I'm here to tell you today that it may be spiritual. After all, only God can create life. So could it be that he needs you to grow spiritually? In mass today, my priest said that God will put us through trials and tribulations to get us to listen. Is He trying to tell you something and are you listening? Before trying to start a family, I was lost in terms of religion and faith. I grew up Catholic but could not tell you the last time I had gone to mass. I had drifted so far from my faith that I believed everything that happened in my life was by luck, chance, karma or by my own doing. In other words I was lost. If it wasn't for the struggle that I have endured for the past 2 years, I would have never found faith. I now have an amazing opportunity to get to know God better, to be a better person, to have more compassion for others, to raise my children in His image and to know that no matter what life has in store for me, I will always have Him by my side helping me along the way. Why would He be so cruel as to use infertility? I know, I asked the same question, but perhaps it's because he knows this is the only way he will get your attention. I know I didn't think to look for Him with my other struggles in life. He knows that not getting pregnant was going to be my lowest point. I know you feel beaten, shattered and bruised, but God has enough power to turn your situation around if you will trust in Him. "Sometimes God lets your hit rock bottom so that your will discover that He is the rock at the bottom" (Dr. Tony Evans). Know that through all the clutter and noise of your circumstances, God is talking and He wants you to listen. He is not using this trial to punish you, he is just trying to shift you to the daily experience of His kingdom. Don't look at your infertility as a curse, see it as a blessing. God does not waste your pain. Embrace the fact that God has chosen you and is taking the time to mold you into something better. He is stripping away all the ugly in your heart and making room for Him. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). So take my word for it. Put Him first, make Him your priority and get ready to receive His blessing. "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20). You will not regret it.
Please share with anyone who is going through a struggle. I hope it can help brighten their day. God Bless!