In His hands

 I have a controlling personality. I'm not afraid to admit it. So naturally when I didn't get pregnant as quickly as I wanted,I knew I had to take control of my situation. So I researched, read books, made doctors appointments, had labs done and learned everything I could about my body. I was very proactive! But all in all, I learned a whole lot of useless information. It didn't matter how much I knew, I still did not have control of the situation or the outcomes. Countless tries all turned out in the same result...negative pregnancy test. It felt like it was bad news piled on top of more bad news. With each doctor's visit, it felt like I was being pushed deeper into a hole that I could not get out of. As you can imagine, the level of frustration and anxiety of not knowing what will happen or even how to help it. My doctors couldn't even figure it out...so why would I? But then something wonderful happened, someone told me to pray for peace! What a concept? This is something I had never thought of  doing before. I knew how to pray for a baby and had done that on a daily basis, but it never occurred to me to pray for peace. As I sat in mass one Sunday morning I listened to the passage of John 14:27 where Jesus says to his disciples "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". I thought, well if it worked for them it might work for me. So I did. That day instead of praying for a positive pregnancy test, I prayed for peace. In a matter of days I went from a crazy obsessed worried bitter person, to being filled with complete bliss, confidence and peace. I realized that I was looking for the solution in the wrong places, I needed to let go and trust God. I was immediately lifted from the dark deep hole and felt light as air. I'm sure that this is what Prozac or any of those drugs must feel like, but better! I'm here to tell you today that no matter what you are going through, God can be the rope that pulls you out of your hole. Not only does He fill you with peace, He will also take care of the problem for you. You can rest assure that He has a solution and knows the way to your fertility. He knows it all and knows exactly when and how you will conceive. All you need to do is trust and all He wants you to do is trust. Here's another great passage "I am the way of life, he who comes to me will not hunger, and he who believes in me will never thirst" (John 6:35) What a wonderful relief, to know that I can leave it all in his hands. I no longer need to worry or obsess. He is the guide and the solution. As Dr. Tony Evans says "Peace doesn't mean you won't have problems, peace means your problems won't have you". So put it in His hands. Let Him deal with the situation and show you the solution. I pray that you too can be filled with his peace.

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God Bless! 

Where's the Proof?

One of the hardest things that I had to deal with, when our problems conceiving began, was the thought that it may never happen for us. I guess this is probably the hardest for anyone. My closest friends would tell me "everything happens for a reason", "if it's meant to be, it will happen". But I was never satisfied with this. In fact, it did the opposite, it made me sad to think that it was not in God's will to make me a mother. What could possible be better than not having a child? So I desperately began searching for answers and proof that it can and will happen. Luckily at the time (or as planned by God all along) , my husband had been listening to Dr. Tony Evan's podcast, if you are not familiar with him, I highly recommend you listen to him. He is a Senior Pastor in Dallas Texas. You can listen to his podcasts by clicking here. It's a great podcast for spiritual growth and healing. He covers many topics, but oddly enough (or as planned by God all along, are you seeing the pattern?), the first podcast I listened to was "Sarah, the Doubter God used". If you are not familiar with Sarah, her story can be found in the Old Testament. She was married to Abraham and was barren. To make the  story short, the Lord told Abraham that he was going to be the father of a great nation. Now, they were both very old in age, and did not believe the Lord. Can you imagine hearing a message come directly from God and not believing it? I always wondered, what were they thinking? God does not lie, he's not confused...oh Sarah! you fool! But, I'm sure this has happened to you and I, we have received messages from God about conceiving, but we ignored them, or perhaps we are too wrapped up in our dilemma to hear it. If you are in this situation, pray for confirmation that your child is coming. God didn't just communicate with the people of the Old Testament, he communicates with you too. Be ready to hear his message, you will be astonished at the things he has to say. He can communicate through people, dreams, and thoughts. Open your heart and be ready to listen. So back to Sarah's story...because she didn't believe, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She sent Hagar, her servant, to sleep with her husband so they can have a child together. She thought, "God must be crazy, I can't have a baby. I'm too old, so I'm going to help him out". Well, things didn't turn out all that great as you can imagine. Sarah despised her servant for sleeping with her husband. Now, this is important, are you doing anything that is going against what God wants you to do? I know I did, I don't mean I sent my servant to have my baby, but I did try really expensive treatments that I could not afford, I tried using good luck charms, fertility statues, burning sage, drinking coffee, not drinking coffee, vitamins, creams, and everything but seeking God and believing His promise.  It wasn't until I prayed about it, that he guided me to the right path and I immediately knew when I was headed down the wrong direction. While we were in the middle of our fertility treatment, our reproductive endocrinologist left the practice. I was devastated, he had come highly recommended and was the one who gave us our diagnosis, but most importantly I truly believed he was going to get us pregnant. The same day that I heard this awful news, my acupuncturist also left his practice! We tried the fertility drug Clomid, at very high dosage, which results in the ovaries developing multiple eggs, and yet I grew none. Do you see that this is a clear message from above that this it not the path we needed to be taking? I don't have anything against fertility treatments, in fact many women have been blessed because of it, and I'm not trying to deter you from it. My point, is that this was not the right course for me. I'm not sure why, only God knows, but I can speculate that it's probably because like I said before, we were headed towards debt, or because deep down God knows that that's not how we want to conceive. But I truly believe it's because he wanted me to grow spiritually and closer to him "when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to look is up" So pray, pray, pray and when you are done praying, pray some more, so that he can guide you in the right path and place the right people in your way.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" Mark 11:24.  

Back to Sarah, when Abraham was 100 years old, God delivered on His promise and she conceived and gave birth to Isaac the ruler and the father of a great nation. Can you imagine giving birth at 100 years old and having to wait so long to do so? But don't miss the point God is trying to make. First, his timing is perfect! He needed Isaac to be born at that time so he can be the ruler of the great nation and second when God gives you his blessing, no matter how long you have waited, he is going to make sure you have plenty of time to enjoy it, and it's going to be better than anything you had planned. "Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me" Genesis 21:6.  God does not work in the realm of time like we do, he sees things that we can't, so we must walk by faith and not sight. "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but was is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:18.  

So, trust the Lord. He opens and closes all wombs "Shall, I who cause to bring forth, shut the womb? says the Lord" Isaiah 66:9. 

Take your focus off of what you can't do or are not getting and refocus it to the Lord "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalms 37:4, so "commit yourself to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalms 37:5. See yourself pregnant, browse through maternity and baby stores and tell God "thank you for this child, I believe and receive it".

I pray that you find comfort in this post and that you may be blessed with a child soon!

Please share any comments or questions below. I would love to hear your thoughts.